I am no expert but I have been in my share of relationships and have had the difficulty of moving on. After some time I realized that this was really the best way to survive a break up. This is my 5 steps but it has been able to help me a lot even in friendships as well.
The first step in surviving a break-up is not going out with your friends and finding a new man. When your sad and lonely and feel like crying picking up the phone is great. Phoning that number one girlfriend/boyfriend to help you cope isn’t a bad thing, but don’t fall for the line “to get over someone get under someone”. This actually can be damaging to your already fragile self. After a break-up you need to mourn. A part of your life is ending. Even if the person was toxic and they were bad for you it doesn’t mean that it hurts any less. Crying is the best way to help get out emotions. While you’re mourning the loss of your relationship take the time to think about some of the positive. Just because it’s ended doesn’t mean every minute of every day was bad. This type of reflection is good because it helps you to understand things a little bit more. We often miss the signs or overlook them when we are wrapped up in other things.
Pick up a new hobby or go back to an old one. At this point in your life I bet you and that person who just broke your heart spent a lot of time together. You need to fill that time up. Some people look at this as a distraction which it could be but if you are mourning and looking to move on you don’t want to have too much time on your hands because you will fall into depression. Doing things alone is great because relationships are about two people and often times we lose ourselves in relationships. Getting back to you is important. I was in a 13 year relationship and there were aspects of my life I lost and when we separated I spent time getting back to those things. I started to read and write again and I even started playing the guitar. All these things are things I can do alone but were things I found pleasure in and things that help to distract me in a healthy way.
This is the most important step. DO NOT FALL INTO DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIORS. Now some may not see this as a step but it is. You need to be aware of things you’re doing and why you are doing those things. During my 13 year relationship we broke up many times. It wasn’t until the last time I followed these steps did it make it easier and I feel like I survived. Most of the time during our breakups, I would go back to old lovers or old behaviors as a way to distract myself. This was damaging to my self-esteem because those old relationships ended for a reason. I was going back to something familiar but something toxic. In the end I ended up back in the relationship I left and in a cycle. Not only being aware of going back to old relationships but staying away from destructive behaviors is important. Going out with your friends is great to get out and socialize, but waking up drunk day after day isn’t healthy. Going home with a different partner may satisfy an immediate urge but you’re only hurting your self-esteem in the long run. During this stage continuing those new things you were doing and spend time with healthier relationships in your life.
Work through your feelings. Now that you’ve started to really move on and you’re doing new things and staying away from bad people and behaviors it’s time to really work through things. You’ve done a lot of mourning but have you dealt with your feelings. In my experience professional help is good. I saw a therapist for 3 months after a bad break up. I was able to process a lot and I was able to find patterns in my relationship and previous relationships I needed to work on. Although the break up might not have been your fault you can learn a lot during this stage of healing and moving on. Get deep into your feelings.
The final step is not jumping into a new relationship but to start dating again. Put yourself out there. The perfect person isn’t going to fall from the sky. In fact the saying goes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince/princess. Don’t hold back, remain open. Closed off people attract negative people. Have you ever remembered times where things happened when you weren’t looking? That’s because you were open and not closed off. People can sense when you’re closed off. It gives off a negative vibe.
Break ups aren’t easy in fact the demise of any relationship can be hard. Making sure you go through the motions is important. Don’t ever hesitate to reach out to family or loved ones for support either and when in doubt seek professional help. Even if it’s temporary you’ll learn a lot about yourself.